This month has been a wreck- my anxiety attacks have taken over, and a dear lover from my past has come back into my life. At first I was excited to visit him in Seattle, and was overwhelmed by his new, more manly appearance (it had been 6 years!) He had gained a confidence he didn't have before, which was totally sexy as well. But as our time time went on in Seattle, I started to have doubts and get scared... what did all of this mean? And could we work again...? I broke it off the first time for a lack of sexual connection and his obsession with making it in the music world. The sexual chemistry was there this time, no doubt, but the music thing haunted me. I've been tortured since I came back home, asking myself how can I make this work? Is it possible...? Can I deal with dating a musician? And I think- sadly- my answer is no. So I am bracing myself for the fall, and I fear where it will take me. Can I seriously work with someone? Anyone? I am waiting for the heartbreak to set in... and the doubt that plagues me... Why do I fall so fast and so hard?
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I married a musician, but he's also a church leader, which probably balances it out. :-)
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